I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
