Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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