True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize