Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
