well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
