i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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