Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
