Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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