his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
