She's JV to your varsity
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
