If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
