if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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