I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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