Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
