I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
