I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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