I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
