Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize