you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
