Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
