A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
