Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
