Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
