just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
