I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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