They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
