just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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