I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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