They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
