And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
