Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
