Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
What drink are we having for lunch?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
