My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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