Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm like, not good at living.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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