I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
i think my cat just said my name.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
