why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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