i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
