I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
