I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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