he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
