I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
