he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
