Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
