can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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