He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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