Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
