i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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