I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
