I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
