I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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