(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
