This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
