i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
