Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
