So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
