I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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