Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
