dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
