Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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