We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
