those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
