Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
