let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
